BrokenEchoes

  Taking slow, measured steps Like walking in a minefield There is concealed danger in every direction Carnage a footstep away I am nearly paralyzed with fear But I can’t stay here I am wounded I need medical attention If I don’t get out of here, I will die I gingerly test the earth with each new step Knowing that the smallest mistake Will be catastrophic.

  I had a feeling Deep and disquieting I worried that this might happen There was a chance I could be wrong But I wasn’t To no one’s surprise, You met my abysmal expectations I am trying to help you I want to help you But you must contribute also If you want to get better You must put in the work Do you? Do you want to get better? I’ll keep trying if you will start.

  At sunrise the ritual will begin again I will be awakened at first light I will scrape the impurities from my skin Wrap myself with the ceremonial garments I must ingest the foul tonic A moment to embrace my family Craft my farewells Then I start the journey to the village square I will meet with the elders I will be questioned Guided Tested They will judge me If I am deemed worthy, the ritual will repeat If not, if the elders disapprove I will be banished To live a life outside Where resources are scarce Where I may starve, or worse With fortune I have pleased the elders so far I have lasted longer than most Every day I fear may be my last I must continue passing the tests I must continue winning their favor My life depends on repeating the ritual.

  I have been steadfast I have been honorable and dependable I have been consistent You have not My part has always been done Yours has not Now our journey is ended Our time together is over In all truth I couldn’t be happier Fate has smiled upon me A great burden has been lifted from me And the obstacles have been cleared from my path.

  Here we are again Same as before Nothing has changed We have no new plan We have no new information We keep trying And we keep failing I won’t last much longer We must make some progress We have to make this work Or I will fall apart Into lifeless chunks That crumble into fine dust That are carried away on the wind The atoms that I was Never to be reunited.

  It happens whenever this song plays I can hear her voice as she sings along Adding shape to the abstract And color to the unseen Her cadence ebbs as I inhale Flows as I exhale Her fingers snap along with my heartbeat During the chorus, she spins I get dizzy She is with me while the tune exists But gone when it is over As the music fades into oblivion So does she.

  I slowly pour myself into my coffee Dissolving quickly - seeking homeostasis I drink in the galaxies When I am sated and warm, I turn off my consciousness Lower my defenses And finally find peace I am one with the world The universe inside this warm mug welcomes me We are, combined, a new entity We are eternal And fragile Extraordinary and unknowable Isolated in this ceramic With tendrils expanding across the cosmos.

  I am almost there There are only a few miles left I can smell the cinnamon tea Steeping on the coffee table The goldfinch promises a song I can hear the porch swing creaking Nudged by a gentle wind And see the lightning bugs dance I can smell fresh cut grass And hear her singing somewhere  I eagerly await her warm embrace Then I will know I am home That is where I want to be I am almost there.

  I’ve spent weeks getting ready Still, I am unprepared I failed to grasp the complexity I wasn’t aware of the intensity Of what we would be facing I have failed you We are overwhelmed Due to my lack of foresight But, here’s the thing If I had months or years The outcome would be the same This task is beyond me entirely This situation swallows me whole I don’t know how we should start I don’t see how we could prevail I am lost I am unprepared.

  I find the afternoon to be painfully bright And sticky hot I am told that I should enjoy it “It’s a beautiful day” “Finally some good weather” “I’m glad we got us a warm day” But I am sweaty And squinting And surrounded by insects I am miserable and uncomfortable That isn’t what people want to hear Not on days like this “Yes, sir” “I agree” “Mighty fine day” I wonder if there are others like me Suffocating in this summer mask Longing for cooler weather, internally.

  New things are fresh for a day Old ones are rotten forever Once the novelty fades Everything is lumped together And it is all the same as it always was The flicker of peace dissolves Into the surrounding miasma of mundane Sometimes I feel that these short-lived moments Do not merit the necessary labor So much struggle For so little I remind myself that these tiny rewards Are all I have All I’ve ever had And all I dare hope for.

  Waking slowly in the morning A soft rain in the Kentucky hills Coffee on the porch And bare feet in the grass Napping in the afternoon Soup beans on the stove Cornbread in the oven Then dinner at the table Dishes in the drainer Reading in my favorite chair Cat purring on the couch Relaxing for the weekend.

  I wander unfamiliar streets It is loud and chaotic Not like back home Honking from every direction Construction noises and shouting Everything is moving faster than it should be Traffic zips along Even the people seem to be in a rush I feel…out of place Unwelcome, uneasy I find myself a bench I sit and try to acclimate to the mayhem Tune in…adjust to the madness around me Once I have camouflaged myself Once I am indiscernible from the background static, I stand I resume my rambling Blending into the rush.

  My workshop is home To a small but growing collection Of eyes, and legs, and leavings It is among these strewn remnants That I find the aim of my next pursuit It is amidst this tangle of carnage That motivation sparks momentum Here in my home My sanctuary My tiny pocket of the world I can make my plans…undisturbed.

  Today is bright Warm and pleasant There are people on their lunch break Enjoying of the calm embrace of spring They walk by the flowers in the city parking lot They stop in for an iced mocha at the coffee shop They window shop at the antique store on the corner They wave their hellos at each other Or rest on benches Or nibble their lunches at the picnic table They bask in the sunny respite for a fleeting moment Then shuffle back inside to finish their day.